Sunday, 19 May 2013

Bonecrker #69 - That First Date at Your Place


People [sometimes get] a little confused about what I mean by getting a woman over to your place, as if getting her there means you will be having sex. Although that happens a significant portion of the time (i.e. the woman has decided she will sleep with you already if she is coming over to your place), bringing the woman over to your place is only the very opening gambit of the relationship. My point is, until that first date at your place, you aren’t even in the game. And a woman who doesn’t want to come over doesn’t even want to explore the possibility of anything with you…..instead, she is doing something else (that else, usually being something not so nice).
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The date at your place is to establish intimacy, not to have sex. But, you don’t in any way have a relationship until you have sex. Some girls will come over to your place, more than once before the first time. That’s just fine. What isn’t just fine is if there is something seriously wacko with them, causing them to go after you and then hold you in contempt once they think they have you (a large number of women who are “damaged goods” do this……history of rape, child abuse, drug use, etc.). They love you until you try to get close to them and then they hate you and then love you again when you are gone. Get rid of those girls. Typically, you will know who they are because you set everything up, bring her over, she shows strong signs of interest the whole time, you spend time laughing and having fun, sitting close together on the couch and then you smile, reach over to touch her hair, and she says, “What the fuck do you think you are doing”. That woman is playing a game called “rape-o”. Leading men on and then making fun of them when they admit feelings of attraction. They are freaks. The other thing that isn’t OK is when they are trying to get you to initiate something (They NEVER initiate anything) and you miss the signals, let time pass and then it’s time for them to go home. She’ll be pissed and you’ll never see her again.
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The prime thing she is looking for is for you to touch her in some socially appropriate fashion…..usually while looking her deeply in the eyes, laughing at something or emphasisizing a point. She’ll touch you back and it will escalate from there. Good places to touch are on the arm, the back of the hand, the hair, etc. in a non-sexual way. A woman who needs time to feel comfortable with you might start this touching with you but not escalate things until the 2nd, third or more time she comes over. But, if she is over there, she wants to start the process of becoming intimate (and a large number of women want to go through that whole process the first time). If she doesn’t, something is wrong with her (rare, but it does happen). If she ever freaks on you when you didn’t really try anything aggressive or sexual (never do that), then something is REALLY wrong with her and your goal should switch to getting her away from you as quickly as possible.
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The whole point is that things aren’t even close to being the way people are taught in our culture that they are. We are taught that you meet a girl, you talk, get to know her, and then you take her out places to both impress her and give each other a chance to learn more about each other. With time and repeated shared experience, you start to become closer, first friends, and then lovers, and then more. That is absolutely not the way it happens, at all. Instead, what happens is a woman sees you and immediately classifies you into either fuckable or non-fuckable. If you are non-fuckable, she probably doesn’t want to know you at all unless she is forced to for some reason (you belong to the same social group etc.) But, just because you are fuckable doesn’t mean you have any chance with her, no, no, no. About 90% of the time, because of fucked-upness on her part, she is anywhere from completely indifferent to hostile toward you (think about how screwed up that is…..would you ever be indifferent/hostile toward a woman who you found attractive in personality and body). About 10% of the time, she is friendly. With time and effort, you could probably convince her to start the process of becoming intimate, and if successful, you can have a relationship of some sort. About 1% of the time, she needs no convincing, or effort, and is, instead, highly motivated to become intimate with you. This means she will respond favourably every time you initiate each step, not that she will initiate anything herself, BTW. Fuckable vs non-fuckable is a matter of your attractiveness, position and personal power relative to hers. What percentage she is in willingness to be with you, providing you are fuckable, mostly at random.
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This has some implications for what men should be doing. First, you should try to be fuckable. Don’t be obese. Shower. Have a job. Wear reasonable clothes. The higher up the social scale you want, the higher up the social scale you need to make yourself……wear better clothes, work out at the gym, make money, learn how to wield power, influence and charisma among your peers. Most normal men are perfectly fuckable for most normal women (despite their lies).
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Next, you need to absolutely refuse to give the time of day to any woman who finds you unfuckable. Seriously, they think you are scum and anyone who thinks you are scum, doesn’t deserve a single thing from you. If you are non-fuckable from some normal woman’s perception, unless you are like, retarded, with bad BO and a wooden leg, something is wrong with her and not you.
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The next thing you do and what is probably the absolute minimum effort is to identify which women are in the ten percent category. Only spend time on these girls. Be nice to them. Spend time getting to know them. Only consider inviting women from this pool over to your place. It is really an invitation to develop a relationship with you and it is OK to say no (again, this is mostly random, having nothing to do with you and everything to do with her). Convincing her to come over is not your goal. Discovering if she is ready to accept your invitation is your goal.
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But, my personal opinion is that it is much more fruitful to try and find the 1% of women who are eager to be with you than to try and woo the other 9%. In other words, the the ability to select is the technique that gives you the biggest bang for your buck, so to speak.
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How you relate to a woman or try to impress her or try to convince her or try to develop your relationship with her, are all completely irrelevant when it comes to the reality of being with women. Instead, they make snap judgements, at random, as to if they want you or not, and how much. If a woman doesn’t want you, so what? Because she is nuts, it has nothing to do with you (but, also, don’t ignore the fact that if she DOES want you it also has nothing to do with you….part of the reason your relationship and you are disposable). Plan accordingly. And don’t be afraid to do things sooner rather than later. From her point of view (despite what she tells you and herself to deny that she is an easy whorish woman….which she most definitely is) the relationship happens all at once, not developed over time. Our culture lies to us about this because it lies to us about the truth of women. They are sick and in deep denial about being sick. It’s important for men to understand specifically about the many facets of that sickness and compensate for it….or it will cause problems for us, not the least of which is failure with women.
Also, because women are sick they have a particularly obnoxious mode to look out for……..being extremely attracted to evil men who are the scum of the earth. We’ve all seen this. The hotter/younger/more desirable the woman, the more likely she will be in this mode at any one time. While in it, she will only consider bring with the absolute worst men….drug dealers, criminal scum, frat boys, and other people who feel free to exist because society is too deluded to give them the regular, vicious beatings they so richly deserve. When a woman is like this, she has no interest in you and is engaging in completely self-destructive behavior.
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There are three reasons I mention this. The first is, of course, women hang out at certain specific places/situations when they are like this (ie all the women there will be like this). This is an excellent reason to avoid clubs and other places gang members hang out, like the plague. None of the women there have any interest in you. The second is that some women are more prone to this mode than others and this is one of the major ways your relationship will end. You will find out she has lost interest in you for Bubba, the 100lb overweight cocaine dealer that just got out of jail. Your response should be to immediately and permanently get rid of her at that point. It has nothing to do with you, everything to do with her and part of that sickness is trying to cause harm to you in one way or another. You can do nothing for her but, for yourself you can get rid of her. The last reason I bring it up is some of us (myself included) have daughters, sisters, nieces, sometimes mothers etc. who WILL enter this mode from time to time. Do everyone a BIG favour and keep your family member locked up during that time and put a bullet in the head of any scum that comes sniffing around. As the men in the family, this is your responsibility, and if you shirk it, you will deeply, deeply regret it. However, society is sick about this issue and will punish you harshly if you get caught…..so, don’t get caught.
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Man, this thing is like a book, but only because there is so much to know and one thing leads to and feeds off another. As they say though, knowledge is power. Wouldn’t it be much simpler if women took responsibility for being normal, healthy, mature individuals and developing sane, enduring, loving relationships?

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